Jokes in English

A boy goes with his mother in a taxi,

In between taxi passes by a red light area.

The boy asks his mother after looking at the call girls,

Mom, who are they ?

Mother replied: They are waiting for their husbands.

Taxi driver: Why are you lying the kid ?

He says, son they are prostitutes. They sleep and earn money!

Child Asks: Then mom what happens to the kids these women give birth to?

MOM : THEY BECOME TAXI DRIVERS

BF: Baby are you jealous?

GF: No.

BF: Baby are you jealous?

GF: No.

BF: Baby are you jealous?

GF: I already told you, No!

BF: Baby can I get a kiss?

GF: GO GET A KISS FROM THAT UGLY GIRL THAT LIKED YOUR STATUS ON FACEBOOK!

Baby mosquito came back after 1st time flying.

His mom asked him “How do you feel?”

.

.

He replied “It was wonderful, Everyone was clapping for me!

Teacher : who is Tipu Sultan?

Pappu : I dont know miss..! :s

Teacher : Concentrate on your studies..!

Pappu : Do yew know Jennifer?

Teacher : i dont know..! :s

Pappu : Concentrate on your husband..!

Once a doctor with knife in hand was running behind a patient…

People asked: what happend Doctor?

Doctor: Its 4th time he came for brain operation,
and after hair cut he ran away…

Wife: I hate that beggar.. 😡

Husband: Why?

Wife: That Rascal, yesterday I gave him food, today he gave me a book called…

“How to Cook”!

Man with Gun goes in bank & demands….

Once he is given money,
he turns to a lady & asks: ‘Did you see me rob the bank?

Lady : ‘Yes, I did’.

Robber shot her in the head.

Then He turned to a couple & asked the man: ‘Did you see me rob d bank?’

Man said ‘No sir, but my wife did…

Clever hubby, LOL 😀

I was in the bar yesterday when i suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas.

The music was really really loud, so i timed my Farts with the beats.

After a couple of songs I started to feel better. I finished my beer and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then i suddenly remembered that i was listening to my iPod.

In a classroom Teacher asks a student to count from 0 to 10.

Student : 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

Teacher : Where is 5?

Student : Yesterday I heard in the news
that 5 died in a car accident…..

There are two theories on arguing with a girl (Wife)!

If the girl is right,
Be fair to her & keep quiet.

If the girl is wrong,
Be fair to yourself & keep quiet.

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